"Hello, this is Oz! I'm away right now, so I'll call you back when I get back to the phone. If I'm not at the phone, then I might be in my room, but if I'm not at my room then I might be downstairs on the first floor so if you need anything you can --" [beep]
You're welcome, please let me know if you've any comments! I'm used to baking for people with a very fierce sweet tooth, so hopefully it's not too sweet, hehe.
[wow taking brownies from kids, THAT WOULD BE ULTRA RUDE]
[!!!!!] It's good...!! [there's even some of that old MAGICAL SPARKLE going on here, the miracle of pumpkin brownies] It's really delicious, miss Ciel!
[that's it HE'S NOT SHARING THESE WITH ANYONE...besides gil and alice and sharon and elliot and reim. aka only vincent and break are excluded...]
[she laughs back lightly with a shake of her head.]
Thank you, but I'm fine. This is a gift, after all. You should let me know if there's anything you'd like in the future, too. Gilbert normally takes care of those, right? If we mitigate the work, that should help him too, wouldn't it?
[there's a flicker of something at the mention of Gil and it looks suspiciously like guilt. Oz swallows after another bite, and moves to place the tin next to the alarm clock near the bed.]
Mm, Gil likes to bake, but I'm sure he'd appreciate your help. [yours rather than ours.]
Haha, is that so. Well, you're not a plant, thankfully, so you can eat sweets and won't wilt without some sun.
[ciel what kind of joke is that... but she sounds satisfied with that conclusion!]
How about mentally, then? It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, but it's important to tend to those kind of scars, too. Even more than the physical ones, I'd personally argue.
[lmao ciel.... He avert his eyes, shifting into that same old 'if I ignore my problems maybe they'll go away' except]
[It's not really only his problem is it? It involved someone else too, someone who didn't deserve to be ignored or avoided, even if that's what Oz has been doing for the past day or so. He's quiet for a while as he considers what to say, because the last thing he wants to do is tell everyone what happened to Izumo. He's not sure she'd appreciate that either.]
It's not mine I'm worried about. [quietly. and it's true. Oz is the last person to think about his own problems or his own wounds.] There's someone else...
I'm not sure she'd want people to know. [hesitantly] She tries to be strong by not depending on anyone else, and I think concern is something she doesn't like to have, even from well-meaning people.
Of course she wouldn't, which is all the more reason that these things shouldn't be kept hidden. Especially in a place like Haven that thrives off of everyone's fears and insecurities, pain and doubt aren't things people should bear, but instead speak up about. That person may be prideful and value her independence a lot, but she's still human, prone to weakness and hurt and in need of support from others willing to reach out, no different than anyone else. [Ciel's staring out a nearby window now, but her tone is firm and her eyes seem quite focused, despite looking out at a distance.]
It's impossible to do everything alone. What do you think, Oz?
[for some reason he's surprised to hear that from Ciel. Maybe it's because of what he's seen of her so far, cheerful and willing and mischievous and clearly helpful and housewife moe, and he realizes that all of those are sides to Ciel that he's had the fortune to see. He just hasn't seen this part. ]
...I'm not sure I have a right to say. There was a time when I wanted to deal with it on my own, and not tell Gil or Alice or Sharon even though everyone was worried about me. It's -- definitely impossible to deal with it on your own, but I wasn't clever enough to see it for myself.
[Those are her favorite sides too, if she's to take a moment to be honest... The serious side is more like an old, weighted glove, but to her credit, if any, it's also offset by a sort of experience she's full well willing to use to help others, backed by an earnest desire to see them become better towards others but especially facing themselves.
She offers a small smile.]
Then let's look at it exclusively at this other person's case, since we're talking about her right now. We would both like to help her, right? So what do you think would be, the right thing to do?
[there's no need to put himself up on the spot! ...at least, not yet.]
[what would be the right thing to do? Gil had told him he should talk to her. It was the least he could do, right? And yet, and yet, he can't forget the look of fear Izumo had when he had approached her in the hospital. The pattern of bruises around her neck. He swallows, looking panicked for just a moment, before it melts away back to his usually composed face.]
[She glances back at him. Putting the focus on this 'other' person was an attempt to lighten the pressure on him, but for him to claim this despite that and talk about himself...
...
It spoke volume, doesn't it? He was used against her.
The hardest thing is to forgive yourself, so that's about what I thought you would say, yes. ...But still, Haven puts us through the same pattern. Do you see it, at all?
I know that I'm not the only one who's done something that I didn't want to do. [like sharon when she turned into a monster, like Crona under Medusa's compulsion] But I... Someone told me once -- that all I can do is destroy. But I thought they were wrong and I wanted to be friends with her, even though she didn't want the same -- but in the end, I shouldn't have stayed close to her at all.
Right. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. As long as this town can draw upon our shadows and pull us like puppets on strings, we'll get turned on each other and have our hands forced, even against the people closest to us. Insults, injuries, and even deaths - Haven won't hold back, as we've experienced firsthand time and again.
[she shakes her head, momentarily lowering her gaze.]
That's definitely not true. As conscious and able individuals with unique wills, people like us have always been able to both create and destroy. The latter is much easier to do, that is true without question. A building can take months to build, but no more than a few minutes to blow up. A life can be ended in an instant, while protecting it is a much harder task that may very well last the entire length of. [Not exactly creating in this case, true, but the idea stays the same.
On that note, she looks back up.]
But no matter what happens, we live on. Humans are adaptable and resilient, it's because we can stand back up and rebuild that we may grow stronger together and keep moving forward. The most powerful ability we can have, not just in Haven but in any place and under any circumstances, isn't knowing how to fight, how to collect supplies, or anything like that.
[a short pause, and if she wasn't looking at Oz before, regardless of where he's staring towards, he'll feel her gaze on him now.] ...I think you know this already too, Oz: it's the ability to smile, hope, and forgive, each other and ourselves. To not isolate yourself, lose purpose, and give up. A lonely and empty existence may well be worse than death, and no one should ever be driven to think like that at all.
[He listens quietly, but attentively and eventually raises his eyes to look back at her. This time, he smiles, a tight watery one, and perhaps not actually a smile at all but just one that's pretending to be.]
Our ability to forgive... Even if... I'm not the kind that should be forgiven? After all, I'm -- [not human, not the person he thought himself to be] It'd be unfair to say that I'm something I'm not, after all this time.
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notvessalius) wrote2012-11-26 10:55 pm
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You're welcome, please let me know if you've any comments! I'm used to baking for people with a very fierce sweet tooth, so hopefully it's not too sweet, hehe.
[wow taking brownies from kids, THAT WOULD BE ULTRA RUDE]
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[he's going to bite into one then, hehehe, chewing and swallowing in the politest way possible--]
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[that's it HE'S NOT SHARING THESE WITH ANYONE...besides gil and alice and sharon and elliot and reim. aka only vincent and break are excluded...]
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(AND OZ!! just get her to make another batch sheesh THEY'RE YOURS FOR A REASON)
oh no let her cup a chin delicately and giggle bashfully like a legit maiden--]
Please, you don't have to put it that way... But I'm glad that you like them!
[but you know what if he was depressed before the sparkles are a good indication of recovery
SHE CAN SETTLE FOR THAT]
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[don't mind oz as he takes another bite, belatedly realizing that he should offer the tin to her too since it's only polite!]
There's no way I could dislike sweets as good as these. [absolutely no way!!]
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Thank you, but I'm fine. This is a gift, after all. You should let me know if there's anything you'd like in the future, too. Gilbert normally takes care of those, right? If we mitigate the work, that should help him too, wouldn't it?
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Mm, Gil likes to bake, but I'm sure he'd appreciate your help. [yours rather than ours.]
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[small talk done, however, although the relaxed demeanor doesn't leave her.]
Have you been mostly resting since everyone came back, Oz?
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[avoiding people and everything yeaah]
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[ciel what kind of joke is that... but she sounds satisfied with that conclusion!]
How about mentally, then? It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, but it's important to tend to those kind of scars, too. Even more than the physical ones, I'd personally argue.
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[It's not really only his problem is it? It involved someone else too, someone who didn't deserve to be ignored or avoided, even if that's what Oz has been doing for the past day or so. He's quiet for a while as he considers what to say, because the last thing he wants to do is tell everyone what happened to Izumo. He's not sure she'd appreciate that either.]
It's not mine I'm worried about. [quietly. and it's true. Oz is the last person to think about his own problems or his own wounds.] There's someone else...
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She grows quiet at that though, "someone else" is a start!]
...Then we can do something to help that person, I'm sure. May I ask, Oz?
[shifting the focus is actually an excellent start, all things considered...!]
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I'm not sure she'd want people to know. [hesitantly] She tries to be strong by not depending on anyone else, and I think concern is something she doesn't like to have, even from well-meaning people.
[have u guessed who it is ciel]
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Of course she wouldn't, which is all the more reason that these things shouldn't be kept hidden. Especially in a place like Haven that thrives off of everyone's fears and insecurities, pain and doubt aren't things people should bear, but instead speak up about. That person may be prideful and value her independence a lot, but she's still human, prone to weakness and hurt and in need of support from others willing to reach out, no different than anyone else. [Ciel's staring out a nearby window now, but her tone is firm and her eyes seem quite focused, despite looking out at a distance.]
It's impossible to do everything alone. What do you think, Oz?
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...I'm not sure I have a right to say. There was a time when I wanted to deal with it on my own, and not tell Gil or Alice or Sharon even though everyone was worried about me. It's -- definitely impossible to deal with it on your own, but I wasn't clever enough to see it for myself.
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She offers a small smile.]
Then let's look at it exclusively at this other person's case, since we're talking about her right now. We would both like to help her, right? So what do you think would be, the right thing to do?
[there's no need to put himself up on the spot! ...at least, not yet.]
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I think... I need to apologize.
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...
It spoke volume, doesn't it? He was used against her.
Her stare gains focus.]
You also have to forgive yourself, Oz.
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-- I can't. [he doesn't think he'll ever allow himself to]
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The hardest thing is to forgive yourself, so that's about what I thought you would say, yes. ...But still, Haven puts us through the same pattern. Do you see it, at all?
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I know that I'm not the only one who's done something that I didn't want to do. [like sharon when she turned into a monster, like Crona under Medusa's compulsion] But I... Someone told me once -- that all I can do is destroy. But I thought they were wrong and I wanted to be friends with her, even though she didn't want the same -- but in the end, I shouldn't have stayed close to her at all.
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[she shakes her head, momentarily lowering her gaze.]
That's definitely not true. As conscious and able individuals with unique wills, people like us have always been able to both create and destroy. The latter is much easier to do, that is true without question. A building can take months to build, but no more than a few minutes to blow up. A life can be ended in an instant, while protecting it is a much harder task that may very well last the entire length of. [Not exactly creating in this case, true, but the idea stays the same.
On that note, she looks back up.]
But no matter what happens, we live on. Humans are adaptable and resilient, it's because we can stand back up and rebuild that we may grow stronger together and keep moving forward. The most powerful ability we can have, not just in Haven but in any place and under any circumstances, isn't knowing how to fight, how to collect supplies, or anything like that.
[a short pause, and if she wasn't looking at Oz before, regardless of where he's staring towards, he'll feel her gaze on him now.] ...I think you know this already too, Oz: it's the ability to smile, hope, and forgive, each other and ourselves. To not isolate yourself, lose purpose, and give up. A lonely and empty existence may well be worse than death, and no one should ever be driven to think like that at all.
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Our ability to forgive... Even if... I'm not the kind that should be forgiven? After all, I'm -- [not human, not the person he thought himself to be] It'd be unfair to say that I'm something I'm not, after all this time.
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Would you believe me, if I said I most likely have known people who've done worse than whatever you did?
[A shake of her head.]
That was a rhetorical question, I'm sorry. But speaking of that, what do you think is more important, Oz? To obtain forgiveness, or to seek it?
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